Sports 4 Dorks

Over the course of three months, the Pacers’ PR team has had to deal with a point guard who dodges bullets (’Pacer’s night out ends in shooting’); another guard was linked to a rape incident (’Sex assault reported at home of Pacers’ Marquis Daniels‘); and now, a forward who houses fugitives (‘Cops nab murder suspect at home of Pacers’ Williams’).

And as SLAMonline points out, this junk all went down AFTER they got rid of "troublemakers" Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson. Jeesh. How does Larry Bird even sleep at night?

So, I figured since the Pacers can’t avoid making front-page news, I could just write a few of their headlines in advance. You know, save the newspaper editors the hassle. They’ll probably be true by Monday morning, anyway.

* Eye disease linked to Pacers’ David Harrison
* Pacers’ Jermaine O’Neal kills 17,000
* Mexico says drug traffickers, Pacers’ Travis Diener behind bomb
* Pacers’ Jeff Foster indicted on animal cruelty, hamster fighting charges
* Earthquake: Pacers’ Mike Dunleavy Jr. could be to blame
* Caught pants-down in house’s chimney, Pacers’ Troy Murphy claims he was stargazing
* Boomer arrested on sex charges
* Some scholars, reassessing Cold War, blame Pacers’ Danny Granger
* Enraged Pacers’ GM injures team with ax

Feel free to leave your inevitable Pacers’ headlines below. Some of you are quite creative.