Sports 4 Dorks

Larry Hughes, purportedly signed by the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2005 to offer
spacing and second scoring option behind LeBron James, is in the midst of a
miserable shooting slump. And we’re being generous with the "slump"
designation, because this guy has a different approach to the whole "jump shot"
thing every time he leaves his feet, and the results are rarely successful.

Sometimes he fades to the right, but usually he fades to the left. Sometimes
the elbow is under the ball, but more often than not it’s pointing toward the
expensive seats. Follow-throughs are optional, and in spite of plenty of
practice (28 minutes per game over 25 games, 10.6 shot attempts per contest),
Larry just can’t get it right.

In fact, an entire website has been put together with the express written
consent to try and stop Larry Hughes from shooting the basketball. It’s called,
you guessed it, heylarryhughespleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com.

The owner of the site, I’m guessing, wasn’t allowed to purchase
youbloodybastardwhyareyoumakingsomuchmoneyandruiningmyteam
andkillingLeBron’scareerwiththoseclangsfrom18feet

andyouarenotityoudirtydirtydishragyou.com.

So, in the spirit of good taste, we’re offering a list of baseball players
who hit for a better or equal batting average during the 2007 season, than
Larry Hughes currently shoots (33.2 percent) from the floor:

Matt Holliday
Chipper Jones
Hanley Ramirez
Edgar Renteria
Chase Utley
Magglio Ordonez
Ichiro Suzuki
Placido Polanco
Jorge Posada
David Ortiz

I must be becoming a well-rounded sportswriter, because I’ve actually heard
of eight of these nine nine of these ten (even better!) baseball players. That, and a visit to Riverfront
Stadium next summer, will get me a
Hall of Fame vote.

Wait, what happened to
Riverfront? Did they tell Herm Winningham to
vacate the premises first?