Sports 4 Dorks

Last night John McCain and Hillary Clinton won New Hampshire primaries. It would seem that voter interest and turnout are high for the ‘08 election. At the end of this year, people will file in and out of voter booths across the nation and punch out the chads of their candidates. 

As it turns out, there’s another election coming up. You can actually vote right now. The NBA and D-League are holding elections, so to speak, for the ‘08 All-Star Game(s). I’m not Chris Bosh, but I guess I want your vote, too. Granted I don’t get called up or leave the country before mid-February, I want to spend a weekend in New Orleans possibly complimenting Bosh on his video production abilities. I want to be one of a handful of guys actually playing a game that weekend. I want to be a D-League All-Star. I want to be YOUR D-League All-Star, so consider this my primary speech … 

Credentials

At the end of the day, I am not a gimmick. I don’t just write to further my basketball career. I work hard, I play to win and my numbers currently reflect that. An All-Star ticket to me would be about proving to myself that I am getting better. It would prove to me that the people of this fine country agree that I am on my way towards the success I believe I can have in this sport for a while. To quote d-league.com:

"Quite simply, Benson has been the premier rebounder in the D-League in his second season with the Dakota Wizards. The 6-9 Benson is leading the league with 13.3 rebounds in 14 games. He also etched his named in the D-League history books when he pulled down a D-League record 28 boards on December 9 against Sioux Falls. The former California star also can hold his own on offense, averaging 14.4 points while shooting .549 (78-142) from the field." 

Experience

I am in my second year in the D-League, and I fully understand what it takes to represent the best. A vote for me is a vote of confidence that the D-League does help players improve. Getting better has been my goal since I was first drafted back in November 2006. 

Issues

I am pro-Kobe and anti-Tim Donaghy. I am for higher D-League wages. I am against "hack-a-Shaq." I’m pro-Gatorade. Although I have been shaky with my voting record regarding water, I still think it can get the job done in Gatorade-free environments. I’m for a run-and-gun offense. I am anti-zone defense. I am for having a good time. I am against anything that would get me on the news with the headline that starts, "Early this morning outside a Las Vegas nightclub … " I am for the old NBA ball, which is now formally the new NBA ball. I am against shorts so short that you can see the spandex underneath. I am pro-Dennis Johnson. I am anti-high socks. I am for Kevin Garnett and against Mark Madsen’s dancing skills. Seriously, I vote no.   

If elected, you can expect:

1. I will literally try to get every NBA star I can to say "Boom Tho!" on camera. 

2. I will attempt to start Mardi Gras even though it is completely out of season. 

3. I will track down Drew Brees and thank him for helping me win my fantasy football championship. 

4. I will pitch to many NBA GMs that the NBA should be "where Boom Tho happens." 

Conclusion

Why not vote for Rod Benson, the name you know? Rod Benson: for a better D-League, a better NBA, a better life. Benson ‘08!